Frankly, I get extremely emotional about small things. Things like, you not being here when you said you would, or not getting a slice of lemon for my water. I mean, the small things make up the big things, so I guess I am not unjustified in my reactions. I was never perfect about being on time to school or hanging out with friends, but I was always early to work. I have always known to prioritize and make sure that important things came first. Though I may not be on time to everything, I do make it a point to inform others why I am running late and give them an approximate time as to when I will arrive. Communication is key in every relationship. Without communication, what is there?
When he came into my life, something inside of me clicked. I started getting up and getting ready on time. I was ready before the time he said he would meet me; I always had time to wait. Part of this is because I wanted to spend as much time with him as I possibly could- and still do. So, I would wait. 10 minutes late, no problem. Then 10 turned into 30 and 30 became an hour. I was just waiting and waiting and waiting. To this day, he still doesn't get here on time. Whenever he tells me a specific time he will be here, I add about 3 or so more hours to it. I know he will not be here when he says he will, no matter how much he assures me he will. Take today for example: I asked him last night what time he would meet me to come over to my house for his birthday, yes, his birthday. When he told me noon, I was excited, over the moon. I would be able to spend 12 or more hours with him, and I was ready. I set an alarm, I was up, and got ready, Noon turned to 1, 1 turned to 4:30. I was devastated. He was late to his own birthday with me, not bothering to ask if I had any surprises for him (I did have surprise plans, but those were cancelled when he didn't show up on time). After he got here, I was still alright with being able to see him for the rest of the night- then he hit me with it. "I have to be home by 9." My heart dropped. My once perspective mind, depressed. I would not get to spend as much time with him as I hoped, but some time is better than no time.
I just wish he would communicate better like he did in the beginning, or make sure that he would provide me with a more accurate time of arrival. No, I don't mean this in the clingy/controlling girlfriend kind of way, I mean this in the, "I have waited for you and wasted my day," way. I understand issues arise and things come up; just say something, tell me you will be late so that I can plan the time I would have been waiting accordingly.
Now, he has a new full-time position as a newly promoted manager. He was thrilled, and I was beyond happy for him. He was already working about as much as a full time person only being part time. But since his promotion, he has had no time to see me. I fight for every minute with him. Calling him is a schedule based process. Ne never has time for anything anymore, and I feel forgotten about, lost, unnoticed. Days go by without actual communication. I don't know him anymore and it is extremely upsetting to me.
I wish he knew how I felt, I wish he knew what I thought. I wish he knew.