Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as SAD

While I often post about my boyfriend, J, having depression and anxiety, I have failed to mention that it is not simply depression and anxiety that J is facing. J has what is called "Seasonal Affective Disorder," or SAD.

SAD is defined as a type of manic depression that is related to changes in the seasons. Typically, SAD begins and ends around the same time every year. For most people, symptoms of SAD start in the fall and continue into the winter months. For others, seasonal depression starts in the summer and spring months and lasts until the fall and winter months.

Symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder start out mild, but get more severe as the seasons progress. Some symptoms of SAD are as follows:

-Feeling depressed most of the day, nearly every day

-Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed

-Having low energy

-Having problems with sleeping

-Experiencing changing in your appetite or weight

-Feeling sluggish of agitated

-Having difficulty concentrating

-Feeling hopeless, worthless, or guilty

-Having frequent thoughts of death of suicide

Specific symptoms of fall and winter SAD are:

-Oversleeping

-Appetite changes, especially craving carbohydrates

-Weight gain

-Tiredness or low energy

Specific symptoms of spring and summer SAD are:

-Trouble Sleeping (Insomnia)

-Poor Appetite

-Weight loss

-Agitation or Anxiety

Treatments for Seasonal Affective Disorder can only help decrease the severity of the issue, not eliminate it completely. These treatments include:

-Phototherapy, or light therapy with a special light that mimics sunlight

-Medications such as antidepressants

-Psychotherapy, also called talk therapy, specifically working on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

-Mind-Body Connection, such as meditation, music therapy, yoga, or guided imagery.

Not all treatments for SAD will help everyone, in fact, the most common treatment plan for those suffering with Seasonal Affective Disorder is light therapy and medication. For J, however, the light therapy doesn't work, and he has yet to find a medication that helps all the aspects of the effects of SAD.

---

Both types of SAD are extremely hard to work through because the seasons can last for months at a time. J has fall and winter SAD, so he gets more depressed during the fall and winter months. Granted, J has general depression overall, so his symptoms just lighten up during the summer and spring.

At times, it can be hard dating someone with SAD. Likewise, it can be hard dating someone like me with Bipolar Disorder. Dating anyone with mental illness can be tricky, but it is important to know there are ways to help relieve and reduce the stress accompanied by the depression or other mental health issue in a relationship. There are several things one can do in a relationship to help their partner:

1) Know depression is not a choice.

Depression can make those who have it feel helpless and hopeless, as if there is no end to the pain they are feeling. It is important to note that they simply can't, "just get over it." If it was that easy, they would have done so already.

J and I often talk about depression and anxiety and how we know that it is not something that we can control, nor should if be something we are ashamed of. Depression does not define anybody, and having depression does not make you weaker than someone who does not have it. Having a metal understanding that depression comes when it wants, however hard it wants, is something that is key in any relationship.

2) Sometimes, they have to push you away before you get closer.

There are times when people with depression, and other mental health issues push themselves away from their loved ones. Often, but not always, it is because they get frustrated with themselves, feeling as though they are a burden on others. They isolate themselves and push the people who they need the most away; if they become distant, just remember to inform then that you are still there for them, but don't try to force them to hang out or talk about what is going on if they don't want to.

I personally struggle with this; sometimes I am the one who pushes people away, but I am also someone who gets pushed away. Recently, as some may know from previous posts on here, J has been isolating himself from me, pushing me out of his life. I solely believe this is due to his depression that he is facing. He doesn't want me to help him, no matter how much I tell him I want to help him. He helped me through the hardest period of my life so far, the least I could do for him is help him through this. He also stopped talking to me; sometimes he ghosts me for two or more days. I try to push him to talk, and that pushes him further away. Starting today, I told myself that he can have all the space he needs, all the time to himself that he wants, and I will not get in the way of that. If I am not what he needs right now, then that has to be it. I cannot force something he doesn't want, no matter how hard it kills me, So respecting that boundary just has to be done.

3) You're allowed to get frustrated

Just because someone struggles with depression, doesn't mean you need to drop everything you are doing and care for them one hundred percent of the time; you also don't have to be careful or walk on eggshells around them. You should always provide love and support for those with depression, but when their depression starts to have a negative impact on your life, then you are allowed to acknowledge it and try to show them love and kindness without taking from your own self love and happiness.

Lately, I feel frustrated. I feel overwhelmed. I feel just completely lost. A lot of this has to do with the fact that I am being pushed away, but I have to learn how to accept that and still remain available when the times comes for me to help. I have never been good at sitting back and watching people struggle, but that seems to be what I have to do. J has pushed me away, and that does frustrate me. This is just a part of his depression that I am going to need to learn to overcome.

4) They don’t always want to do this alone.

Many often assume people dealing with depression want to just be left alone. While there are may be times when they want their space, this doesn’t mean they want to face their fears completely alone. Ofter to take them out to dinner, or to grab some coffee. Ask them unexpectedly. This will help remind them that they don't have to do this alone all of the time.

I try to get J to go out with me, even if it is to do something small like going to the grocery store or getting coffee. Sometimes, I ask him just to sit and talk, even if we aren't talking about the depression and how he is feeling. Simply getting him out of the house and distracting him from the depression that swallows him is a main goal of mine. He has other friends that can help him do this as well.

There are many more ways you can help your significant other with their mental health issues, but these are a few that I have found to be the best thus far though the battle that J and I have been fighting. It is also important to note that the depression your significant other is facing is NOT your fault. It may feel like that at times, but I promise, it isn't.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

References:

Neelis, Koty, et al. “13 Things To Remember When You Love A Person Who Has Depression.” Thought Catalog, 6 Jan. 2020.

“Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 25 Oct. 2017.